Oh wow... I knew when I looked at today's Facebook memories, what I would find... and, as I expected it has me in tears... but I'm crying for a different reason than I thought I would. Grief, yes, but also a deep sense of gratitude for the legacy of faith Phil left and that still touches my heart today and has helped me as I continue to learn what it means to live alone, without him... OK, maybe the tears are more grief filled than I thought... but anyway...
The memory came up of waiting in the room for the neurologist, after having gotten the call from the neurosurgeon about the results of the biopsy... lymphoma, he said, treatable... but then an hour later, the neurologist's office calling, telling us to get there ASAP. A 30 minute drive... and finding out this:
{{{Phil's lymphoma is most likely primary cns (central nervous system) and is not a good cancer to have because it doesn't have a good prognosis. It's a fairly aggressive tumor growing in multiple places. The neurologist is already working on getting referrals and authorizations for an oncologist and oncology radiation. She hopes we can have them by Monday and go to oncology radiation on Tuesday. I asked why some of the lesions have shrunk and she said because it's notoriously responsive to prednisone in the short term. She said it's a rare cancer and she hasn't seen it for a few years so she doesn't know if there have been any advancements in treatment since then. So, we'll wait and see what the oncologist says....}}}
And look what Phil said:
Whether the Lord gives me 5 more minutes or 50 more years on this earth, I am on The Rock. My life is in His hands.
So, I, too, must remember I am on the Rock. My life is in His hands... Nothing, absolutely nothing, takes Him by surprise. I can stand firm and strong *because* He is firm and strong and HE gives me the strength I need... I want/need to remember that in my weakness His strength is made strong.
Oh, how I needed to be reminded of this, this morning...
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So, I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Taking pleasure in the above mentioned things... seems so backwards, doesn't it? Our flesh wants to grumble and complain... but when we remember that Christ is our strength, we can 'take pleasure' because we know that as we do our joy is made full in Him... He gives us peace, joy, comfort, that are so beyond our understanding as to how we can be joyful, peaceful, comforted, in the midst of trying situations... but somehow, when we lean in to Him and accept what He gives... we receive, just that...
I had no idea when I started typing this that all that would come out! Praise God!
