I'm still here... Still living, learning to be a widow and live alone. And in learning to live alone, I'm learning that I'm not alone. God is very near. Psalm 34:18 says
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
and I know this well...
I actually started writing this on the first, but then saved it as a draft and I'm just now getting back to it... November 7th already.
Alone but not alone, it's true, however I do get very lonely, mostly for Phil, I think. I miss having him here to talk with, to be with even if we weren't talking, we just enjoyed each other's company.
I wouldn't have chosen this journey, not in a million years, but I trust that, God in His sovereignty, chose it for me. In Psalm 139 it says God had all my days written in His book before one of them came to be. And this has a purpose - my good and His glory. Period. The good is being conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29). And that brings God glory.
I am learning so much on this journey. God led me to the biblical counselor who is just right for me. He is using her to guide me through biblical truths; opening scripture up to me in ways I've never seen before.
One thing in particular is the passage in Philippians that is so often quoted. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Here it is in context...
Philippians 4:11-13The Voice (VOICE)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need. I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances. 12 I know how to survive in tight situations, and I know how to enjoy having plenty. In fact, I have learned how to face any circumstances: fed or hungry, with or without. 13 I can be content in any and every situation through the Anointed One who is my power and strength.
With or without... Learning to be content. Paul had to learn contentment and so do I, and that only comes through Jesus Christ who is my power and strength. Content in any situation because Christ is with me AND as I said earlier, He had all my days written in His book before one of them came to be, so I can trust Him each day. Completely.
Is it always easy? No, but the times of despair are shorter as I learn to draw near to Jesus, as He draws me to Himself in His gentle way.
I still cry with grief, but Jesus lovingly wipes my tears and comforts me with His love.
