Yesterday was May 23, not that significant of a date, really, but it is to me. Every 23rd day of the month Phil and I would say Happy Anniversary to each other because we got married on the 23rd of June, 1984, so each month when that day rolled around, it was a celebration even if we only said Happy Anniversary, it was packed with love and meaning for us. The first year we had a slice of our wedding cake each month which we kept in the freezer. I don't remember if we made it the whole year as it may have gotten stale.
Yesterday was hard because it began the countdown of one month until our anniversary and it brought to mind the preparations we were making for our wedding day and our life together... Ordering flowers, the cake, final tux ordering and bridesmaids dresses being made... Getting our wedding rings (I wore Phil's on a chain around my neck until the big day). Phil moved into our apartment and we began making it our home.
So there were lots of tears yesterday and I know there will be many more. In fact, I've cried already this morning because I thought I heard him call me and it woke me up, "Sweetie... Sweetie... The tears, they flowed, knowing he wasn't calling me because he's not here...
One of Phil's favorite passages in the Bible was where Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are ordered to bow down to the king or be thrown in the fiery furnace. And they said that they KNEW their God was able to deliver them but even if He didn't they would not bow. So, they were thrown in. And who was with them in that fierce, blazing heat? Jesus. So, Phil liked that story because he KNEW God was with him in every fiery trial and he would not bow to defeat. Therein lies my pinprick of light. Yes, tears are shed and my heart HURTS. Sometimes it feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces or that I'm drowning in sorrow... But GOD. He is with me in this fiery trial and even when my faith is weak, He is faithful. He. Is. Faithful.
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