I haven't posted in quite a while. I had a 'Post-It note' pinned to my status bar of things that I wanted to write about. And so today I decided was the time to do that.
Hopefully this post won't get to lengthy. The first thing I want to talk about is what happened to me a week ago today, last Sunday night. So technically it was actually early Monday morning because it happened during the middle of the night. Ever since I was a little girl I have been terrified of thunderstorms. I knew that there was a possibility of some coming to our area but the chance of that happening had diminished so I went to bed with a peaceful heart. Well, during the night I was woken by the sound of thunder. I must have been sleeping pretty deeply because I was disoriented when I woke up. My thought was, is there a window in this room? And then I remembered that yes there was and where it was. I then fell back asleep, with absolutely no fear! That is huge because in the past I would have been quite fearful. And I would have been going immediately into my husband's arms, but still having fear about the storm. I know without a doubt that last Sunday night God was totally with me and taking away my fear. I woke up again later to the sound of thunder again, which was a much louder rumbling than the first time, but then, I again fell back asleep. I give God all the praise and glory for what He did for me.
Secondly, when I first became a widow someone sent me a link for an article written by Elisabeth Elliot on the gift of widowhood. I never read it, because I did not think at that time of widowhood as being a gift. A few months later someone mentioned that article again, and along with another woman or two, I said no, widowhood is not a gift. I just didn't see how I would ever see my being a widow as a gift... Well, because of what God is doing in my heart and how I have become much closer to Him than ever before in my life, and how I am learning to let go of the anger of grief and knowing that He holds me in my grief, I am now beginning to see widowhood as a gift. This is really huge, but I know that God is with me and that everything He does in my life is for my good and for His glory because of His sovereignty.
The third thing is that last Sunday morning, which was of course before the thunderstorm, so maybe I should have written about that first, but oh well... anyway what happened Sunday morning is that I went to church knowing that my mom and dad and my brother wouldn't be there, without hardly any anxiety at all. Since my husband's death I have experienced anxiety like I have never had before in my life. It got to the point where I had to be put on anti-anxiety meds because of it. But now because I am receiving biblical counseling and memorizing scripture and more in the Word than I have been in a long time, I know that it is these things that are helping way more than any medication ever could. When I got to church none of my family was there and I sat in a row by myself. After the worship time the lady who had been playing the keyboard came and sat next to me. That really blessed me. But the hugest thing was the fact that I know God enabled me to go to church knowing that my parents and brother wouldn't be there. I had almost decided not to go but God pushed me out the door even when I was so tired, He helped me to get ready and go. And I ended up being extremely blessed.
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