He Sees, He Knows, He Provides

This morning a song was playing over and over in my mind and heart; actually just one phrase from a song... 

Oh my soul, 
You are not alone
There's a place where fear has to face the God you know

You can listen to it here

In my loneliness lately, I have sometimes felt alone... because Phil isn't here to talk things over with... helping me make decisions I need to make, hard decisions (at least they seem hard to me). Needing to quit going to the chiropractor who's been helping me so much, because he doesn't take my insurance, and needing to get a job, because what I'm doing with Stampin Up isn't enough. Those two things have terrified me. Panic has risen up and caused so much stress... but in that I have cried out to God and this morning... well... wow... The thought processes had to be the Holy Spirit... I'll see if I can explain it... :) 

I was going through my Facebook memories and one from several years ago was when my daughter was here for a visit and she posted about a place we went to and said that sometimes she forgets what a hick town she's from... lol So that started me thinking about how we even got to where we live... and then Psalm 139:16 popped into my head... "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book, were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."

All of my days, written in God's book, so that means I'm not alone... I'm seen, I'm known, I'm provided for... Fear doesn't need to be part of who I am, or what I feel... because we walk by faith and not by sight, and God, He knows exactly what I need to live, and He will provide... Hard times, given to help us rely more on God and less on ourselves; in fact, we shouldn't be leaning on ourselves at all. He knows what is needed to make me rely on Him more and to build my character. So many times over the years, people have said to us, "You don't need that." Yes, we do... Absolutely nothing in this life takes God by surprise, because all of our days are written in His book and He knows exactly what we need, not just for our provisions, but for our growth in Him. In one Scripture in the New Testament, it says with food and clothing we shall be content. It says nothing of shelter... how blessed we are! Gratefulness should well up within us at how much He has provided for us, salvation being at the top of the list... and the Holy Spirit to guide, comfort and direct... 

This morning I was grieving; missing Phil so much... as lately sweeter memories have come, of our happy, love filled times together. I sometimes feel guilty for still grieving, but God spoke to my heart... "it's ok to grieve. You don't grieve without hope." And then I was able to thank Him that Phil is in heaven with Him... and my heart was stilled... because, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I can be still and know that He is God!

My feelings still want to take front and center stage when I think of what needs to be done, but I pray that I will continue, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to rely on God and know that I am not alone! It's so true what Scripture also says, "without Him we can do nothing."

Twists and Turns

Life has so many twists and turns, leaving us breathless, restless, either because we don't like change or we wish things would change, and we could be taken out of the mess we think we're in. 

As I was preparing my late breakfast, I was thinking of many things. My brain tends to jump all over the place... 😃Suddenly that first phrase jumped into my head and I knew I had a blog post begging to be written. 

So, this morning I was thinking about the twists and turns of my life, and there have been many. What I'm learning is that God is in charge of them all, and nothing takes Him by surprise. And if we're willing, He uses those twists and turns for His glory and our good; using them to shape us into the image of His Son, Jesus, if we belong to Him. 

The main thing on my mind today, is how much I've been missing Phil the last few days. More so than usual. I was wondering why, aside from the obvious  reasons... well three years ago we went on a get away to the coast for a couple of nights to celebrate the end of his radiation treatments and a belated anniversary (it had been our 31st in June).  Pictures of that time came up in my Facebook memories this last week. Also this is the time of year, 21 years ago we were preparing for me to give him a kidney. September 16 was the day of that event, that changed our lives and gave us 19 more years together. 

While seeing those pictures made me sad, and miss him more, like my brother said, when I shared with him via messenger, it's so good to have those memories! The picture I'm sharing here is from that time. 

We had eaten at a restaurant, we wouldn't normally eat at, because we had a dinner voucher from the hotel we stayed at. It was a restaurant from which we could see the ocean as we sat outside on the patio. All of a sudden diners were talking about seeing dolphins along the shore. I'm pretty sure I saw them but I don't remember for sure, because I was focused on the sunset. Either way it's a memorable experience, and I can clearly remember my husband sitting across from me and seeing his dear face and sharing our love of many years. 

Transitioning now, to the Scripture I read yesterday and that is still permeating my heart today. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being guarded by God's power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials so that the proven character of your faith --more valuable than gold which, though perishable, is refined by fire-- may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him; though not seeing him now, you believe in him, and you rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9 (Christian Standard Bible, emphasis mine)

Through the trials I have gone through, God is growing my faith... The Bible I read this out of is a CH Spurgeon study Bible, and has this note for verse 7: "'The proven character of your faith.' Let us not be mistaken: God never gave us faith to play with. Faith is a sword. But it was not made to exhibit upon a parade ground. It was meant to cut and wound and slay. Whoever has it may expect, between here and heaven, to learn what battle means. God has made nothing in vain; he especially makes nothing in the spiritual kingdom in vain. He made faith with the intent that it should be used to the utmost and exercised to the full. We must expect trial because trial is the element of faith. Faith without trial is like a diamond uncut, the brilliance of which has never been seen. A fish without water or a bird without air is faith without trial. We may surely expect that our faith will be tested."

I have suffered grief in various trials, my husband's passing being the biggest one to date, and I noticed that the Scirptuer above says, "if necessary, so that the proven character of my faith may result in praise, glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ..." wow! It's hard to imagine that this was necessary, but really, knowing that God allowed it for His glory and my good, makes it something that I can rejoice in. Backwards thinking, right? Well, God's kingdom is unlike that of this world, so yeah, it does seem backwards, but oh does it bring joy to know God and to walk by faith.