Tangled Sheets, Tears and an 'Empty' Fridge

I didn't used to get tangled up in the sheets. I do now. Being by myself in our queen-sized bed, means I basically sleep in the middle. And the sheets get wrapped around me, all tangled up. That may seem silly but it's a painful thing to my heart. Not always, but sometimes.

I read something recently that (I'm putting my take on it since I don't remember the quote exactly)  grief is like an earthquake initially, fierce and surprising. Then the aftershocks come without warning. You never know when they will hit. So, they are surprising too. Sometimes they seem worse than the first grief that hit because in the beginning I was all wrapped up in planning the memorial service and had lots of people around. Now, as a widow, alone in the home my husband and I shared, the grief will come unexpectedly and stopping the flow of tears doesn't always come easy. This morning was one of those times and it took awhile before I could even make my breakfast. It's a little after 11 now and I just finished eating a few minutes ago. I read an appropriate verse in the Psalms when I did a search for tears on biblegateway.com Psalm 42:3a "Day and night I have only tears for food," That's what it felt like this morning. I couldn't settle down to eat. The pain of loss is real and it is devastating. When I cry like I did this morning my whole body is affected and I feel the weight of grief. Psalm 31:9 says,

"Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away." 

The fridge is 'empty'. It's strange to open it and see it so 'bare'. I have adequate food for me, but getting used to less, that hurts too. 

So many things serve as a reminder that my husband is gone. But according to scripture I do not grieve without hope... And I read another passage this morning... 

Lamentations 3:21-26

Yet this I call to mind

 and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning  great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.